Meeting Times --Or How To Make People Feel Important

I am trying hard to keep this from becoming a rambling list of grievances. Not easy, and I have not always succeeded; however, let me assure you, dear reader, that I am here by my own free will. I know of the pitfalls, and yet I remain. Why? Money. The lucky buggers seem to have come up with an idea that might yet succeed despite their every effort to thwart it.

I have written this one several times trying to wrestle humor from it, and yet I cannot. I accept this as my failing as I cannot help but chuckle at the situation.

Imagine if you will (I don't have to, I can recall --it was just this morning), waking to a ringing phone at 7:40. Now imagine it knowing that your alarm was set for 7:45. Is there anything worse than a call five minutes prior to your alarm going off? Well, I guess an extended stay at Guantanamo might be worse, but you get my point.

So, it is your work-at-home day and the phone rings five minutes prior to your alarm going off and it is your boss. Or, in my case, it is DC our intrepid CEO. He has come up with a new marketing plan and needs me at the office at 8:30 to go over it in detail. Now, getting from bed to work in 40 minutes can be done, but not done easily.

There I sat in the board room: hair askew, shitty coffee from the deli downstairs in hand, but otherwise in fine form. Our head engineer follows me into the room and takes his seat. We mumble sleepy greetings and I return to setting up my laptop --for some reason it does not want to connect with the company's network this early in the morning.

It is 8:35 when our project manager collapses in her seat apologizing for being late.

Do do do do do do do, do do do do do, do do do do do, do do do do do do do, do do do do do do do.

For those who don't recognize that, it is the theme from Jeopardy.

8:50: my cell phone chirps.

It is DC, our CEO, the guy who called this extraordinary meeting.

He is running late and promises to be there in 15 --he never says what units: could be hours for all I know.

I take advantage of the delay and go round the room taking orders. Next, off to McDonalds (a 5 minute walk) for breakfast for all --and less unpalatable coffee.

9:45. Everyone has finished their breakfast, deserted the boardroom and returned to their chores for the day. I decide it is time to go home and get started on my day. I text DC my plans to depart.

I meet DC coming off the elevator as I am getting on. He is not happy with my refusal to waste my morning waiting for him (remember folks, I am not on salary: I am on commission) and if he could frog-march me back to the office he would. Obediently, I followed him back.

He needs a few minutes before the meeting.

10:00. Exactly one and a half hours late, DC, who kept me from the most important 10 minutes of my day (that would be the five minutes before my alarm goes off and the five minutes after), starts the meeting.

He talks in great depth about how we are going to attack a new type of client. He talks about how we are going to tweak the solution so that this new breed of client will be left in the dust if they do not use us. He is incredibly excited. He wants me to start setting up meetings immediately. He asks the engineer and PM for a wag (wide assed guess) on how long it will take to do the tweaks, because we cannot set up any meetings til they are done.

The answer: 7-9 months.

I hear my bed calling, but the coffee has kicked in.

Arrgghh...

Was I Screwed?

Let's revisit a meme from a couple of posts ago.

Here's the story:

I have been working on securing the opportunity to make presentations to two different potential clients. These multi-national corporations with local offices remain ideal lead clients for our solution. In both cases, I was introduced to high level contacts by Board of Advisor members and in both cases I have extensive email threads that include both political and technical correspondence. I have arranged for custom demos and I am on first name basis with managers that are responsible for, in aggregate, over a billion dollars worth of current business.

In one case a meeting was still a month away, but in the other case the meeting/presentation was within 10 days (until I was told to postpone it as v2 of the solution has been delayed).

Well, one of the investors is in a similar business, responsible for a couple hundred thousand dollars of business per year --good, but I am trying to put it into perspective with the clients-- and, due to the economic downturn, finds himself with lots of spare time.

The answer is simple, he should join our sales team. In fact, as he is in the same line of work as these potential lead clients, he should take over from me as the salesman on record for these deals.

This guy is a nice guy; but, these are my clients. Note, I am not an employee of the company, I am commissioned outside sales.

Basically, the company gives a lead to an outside sales guy. Then, after the outside sales guy warms up the lead, establishes a relationship, and starts to prepare a customized presentation, the company takes the lead back.

Was I taking too long? The company insisted I postpone the meeting.

Perhaps my track record is such that they want to give the leads to a better closer. Then they should bring one in. The guy they gave the leads to has not experience giving presentations to boardrooms full of executives and engineers. The guy they gave the leads to has no software experience whatsoever.

Am I ranting? You bet.

Was I screwed? Arrgghh...

Fatal but not serious

We are now in desperate need of investment. Government grants are paying 50% of dev wages, but not coming close to covering our burn. Customers are showing muted interest but we are three months from potential --albeit unlikely-- revenues; the present investors are asking for such unlikely things a business plans and revenue forecasts; senior staff has not met with the Board of Advisors in over a year, and we are out of money.

Well, we better be.

Why should I make such a statement?

Because, I was just told by our intrepid COO that they will not be able to pay me what is owed on the first of the upcoming month. I will have to wait at least a week for the funds from the gov't.

But all is good. There are no problems. Nothing to worry about.

Arrgghh...

I Think Very Highly of You

"I think very highly of you."

Those are the kind words DC, our intrepid CEO, tossed my way yesterday. Over the past couple of weeks he has taken the only two potential clients in the pipeline away from me (remember, I am a sales guy on commission). Nice.

That is, of course, not the whole story. As we are now almost three years into the business, and as we have had a product for sale for three months now, and as we have not sold a single subscription, fingers are starting to be pointed my direction. It is obvious that the reason we have not been wildly successful is that I have not been doing my job. That's okay, I can take it.

The answer: simple. Bring in one of the investors (who, understandably, wants to protect his investment) as a sales guy and give him all of the clients currently in the pipeline. Yippee.

Another might think they had been screwed. Another might want immediate compensation for the loss of assets (surely clients are assets in this situation). The fact is, I didn't have any of these thoughts. It might sound evil, but my first thought was, "Finally, a chance at redemption".

I fully expect the new sales guy to fail (even if he succeeds in making an initial sale, we are selling a subscription service and I fully expect a quick cancellation).

Now I might be wrong. I might have misread the whole thing. Perhaps the new sales guy will get the product out there and all will be roses. I suspect not.

The best case for me (not the company, my sympathies are not with them) would be for the investor to try, fail, then wonder what he got himself into. I would love to be a fly on the wall at his first presentation.

Was I screwed? Only if the prospects actually sign up, like the product and pay handsomely. If they do that, then the new sales guy/investor deserves the commission (though I will, of course, make a case for shared commission). If not, then I lost nothing and gained time to write this. Leaving you, dear reader, as the beneficiary.

At least he took a moment to take me aside and say, "I think very highly of you."

Arrgghh...